Why Being Understood Matters More Than We Realize

Mrs. Kendra
Apr 15
3 min read

There’s something tender, almost sacred, about feeling understood. Not just listened to. Not just tolerated. But truly felt—as if someone has leaned into your emotional world and said, “I see you. You make sense.”

It’s one of our most fundamental human needs. And yet, for many, it’s also one of the deepest sources of pain.

🫂 The Power of Being Understood

To be understood is to be mirrored back with compassion. It tells the nervous system, “You’re not in danger anymore.” It softens the armor we’ve built to survive rejection or judgment.

It’s in those moments—when a friend says, “I get it,” or when a therapist reflects back what your inner child has been screaming for years—that healing begins to happen.

💔 When We Aren’t Understood

The absence of understanding can feel like exile. It’s that moment you speak your truth, and someone changes the subject. It’s sharing your pain and being told to “just move on.” Over time, you may:

Shrink your voice
Second-guess your feelings
Feel emotionally unsafe around people you love

Worse, you may internalize the idea that you don’t even make sense to yourself.

🧠 Understanding Is More Than Words

On a neurological level, being understood co-regulates the body. It invites the brain and heart out of fight-or-flight mode and into connection.

In trauma recovery, this is huge. It’s not just about “talking it out”—it’s about being witnessed without judgment or interruption. Understanding becomes a doorway to trust.

🪞 Self-Understanding Is Just as Sacred

We often seek understanding from others first—but part of the journey is learning to sit with our own complexity, our own younger parts, our own confusing emotions, and say:

“You’re not too much. You’re not broken. I get why you feel this way.”

The relationship with ourselves shifts when we stop gaslighting our own feelings and start honoring them.

✨ What Can You Do With This?

Here’s a journal prompt to explore this within yourself:

Think of a time when you felt fully understood. What made that moment so healing? Then ask: What parts of me still long to be understood, either by someone else—or by me?

Let the answers rise without pressure.

🌿 Final Thought

Being understood is not weakness. It’s not selfish. It’s a human need rooted in connection and healing. Whether you find that understanding in a relationship, a therapist’s office, a journal entry, or your own reflection—it matters. And you deserve it.

You don’t have to explain your pain to be worthy of care. You don’t have to be perfect to be seen clearly.

You’re allowed to want to be understood.And you’re allowed to take up space until that happens.

A Black woman sits at a wooden table in a cozy cafe, thoughtfully sipping a cup of coffee as soft, warm lights create a gentle ambiance around her. A small pastry rests on a plate nearby, completing the tranquil scene.

Journal Prompt: The Desire to Be Understood

Take a few moments to reflect in a quiet, grounding space.

Breathe, and allow yourself to explore:

When was a time I felt deeply understood?
- What was happening?
- Who was present?
- How did it feel in my body?
When was a time I felt misunderstood or dismissed?
- What impact did that have on me emotionally or relationally?
What parts of me still long to be understood?
- What would I want someone to say or reflect back to help me feel seen?
How do I offer understanding to myself or others?
- What does it look like to truly witness, without fixing?
Where in my life do I feel safe to show up fully?
- What do those spaces have in common?